Protecting Your Senior Loved Ones

Many of us have just spent the Thanksgiving weekend with our families, from near and far, and some of us are concerned about how our loved ones have aged since we last saw them.  Many thoughts are going through our minds: they seem to be forgetting words, they are frail, not eating enough, or maybe we should think about taking away their car keys. And then we worry, what do we do? We are all working full-time plus, trying to raise our families, and don't live that close to them. We worry that they may not be handling their finances well. Do we have access to their bank accounts and stockbroker? Perhaps our loved ones have moved south to avoid the cold weather, and they have been sick, and we can't keep going back and forth to help them.  

 I personally know quite a few seniors who have moved to Florida, and then moved back north so their families could be closer and take care of them. Is that the answer?  Perhaps for some people, but for others it is not feasible.  How then do we help them without affecting our lives (it will affect you, but with as little impact as possible)? It is hard for older people to make a big move. As we age, many of us are comfortable in our own surroundings and find traveling difficult. What is best for your family?

 Here are a few ways to help an elderly loved one. If you find it overwhelming, consider hiring a Patient Advocate. It doesn't need to be forever, but an advocate can help you assess the situation and organize what needs to be done. You can then pick up the reins or delegate duties in the future.

 1-Get their medical records in order. Arrange to have copies of all their doctors' notes, procedures, and testing, and make a summary to give to any health care provider.  Often, particularly when we are ill, we may forget important information. 

 2-Know all of their medications, where they are filled, and who prescribes them. 

  3-Discuss their doctors' visits, how often they see the cardiologist, orthopedist, etc, and when they are due to see them next.   

 4-Ask to be on the phone during their doctor visits; almost all doctors will be happy to have another set of ears.

 5-Be sure that you (or someone) has permission to speak with their doctors, ER staff, etc. They must have a health proxy in the event they can't make decisions or are unconscious.

  6-Help them declutter/downsize. Falling is a serious consequence for older adults.

 7-Be sure they have an Advance Directive, a POLST or MOLST form, and have the conversation as to what they would want if (when) something happens to them (do they want to be resuscitated, a feeding tube if they can't eat). 

 8-Hire a Patient Advocate.  It's worth repeating, especially if your loved one lives far away. Your advocate (particularly with a strong medical background) can organize the medical records, write summaries, and help gather information.  They can also be the go-between for your loved one and providers.  If your advocate has a medical background, they will be able to understand records, phone conversations, etc., letting you be the spouse/child rather than the caregiver.